Sipping a hot mug of cappuccino that I had made on a winter’s night; I was distracted by the dust motes that resembled pixie dust when observed dancing to my garden lamps. How carefree they were sans any adulting to worry them. It made the storm within me tamer and closed my eyes to breathe in the cool air to wink at my problems.
During this, I reflected on things I had given up on in life. Petty issues such as who was wearing a Saira Shakira couture dress or Rabal earrings; why did they look at me in dismay or who updated which status and what is the meaning behind their selfies.
I had given up on relationships. On romantic rendezvous and on love. I had built The Wall to keep The White Walkers out. I became indifferent. Didn’t seperate the walkers from wildlings. Thought they were the same. And I stood my ground and made sure my watch would not end until I am dead.
But, surprisingly, there were moments when I saw beyond the wall, and one or two wildlings caught my eye. As they approached my wall, I was disappointed at my impaired judgement. They were marked. And I can never hunt a marked man. I retreated from the borders and manned the boundary walls.
However, I was reminded of butterflies and bees. Their vibrant colours embodying hope and dreams; paint over me hope, and gift wings to my dreams. So what if the person I may have fallen for didn’t love me? It doesn’t mean I should go to Medusa and ask her to cure me by turning me into stone? That is a cowards cry when they give up, and I seek brave stones of foolish hope.
I am old-fashioned. I love a man who writes eloquent letters and gives me flowers, and plans picnics; things considered ‘corny’ these days. He shouldn’t tick all boxes since I don’t demand perfection as I look for imperfections which could harmonise with my own.
A man who could colour me red, whispering poems to me on a snowy afternoon. Someone who would sprinkle ideas as we walked on the beach. A beast of a man who could be vulnerable with me and tell me what troubles him and makes him angry. And a man who wouldn’t be threatened by my individuality but would embrace my fetishes as I would his. Someone I could call my man.
As I was dreaming of such a man, I hadn’t noticed that my cappuccino was finished and I was licking away the froth formed on my lips. As I licked it, I felt the kiss of sex, burning my blood. Explosions were heard and my heart warped to another realm. A realm alien to me and I laughed at my stupidity. I felt foolish to hope for a man when none existed for me. I was happy on my own and felt comfortable with myself.
Liar! came a voice from within. That voice was deafening. It continued screaming at me: You can never give up on love. For a while maybe, but then your heart starts itching at the most simplest of stimulus. For someone who loves scents and fragnances, a whiff of a cigar would bring back memories of the lonely walks under the canopy of trees in spring. The aroma of Love would then be, irresistable and you would want to make love to Love.
I smiled at the thought. Of being with someone (whom I am thinking of right now) I would want to be with. Somone who could be my partner in crime and punishment, in war and peace, in rejoycing and everything hateful in my body would be undonne by the simplest of moments.
I would never give up on love because call me a Mr. Darcy, or call me Bellatrix Lestrange, but I do believe that you will have no say in the person you fall in love with, but instead the choice comes in fighting for that love to burn. Like Bane wanted to watch gotham burn, you will want your heart to be a volcano.
The bitter truth is that the most passionate love may even stem from a random encounter in a bookstore and that person may randomly stumble into your life while reaching out for the same book you were planning to buy. And at that most unexpected moment don’t run.
Don’t you dare run away out of fear you may hurt them. In doing so, you will be a hypocrite for wanting to fall in love but destroying the other as you felt squeamish.
Fall in love. Because love is magic and inexplicable through science. Give yourself courage to do so, and see how your smile could be their paradise. But remember, learn to let go of the past and breathe.